Miles and MIles
by Avery Goodun
Summary: Now COMPLETE! Chapter four: Severus must decide whether Hermione is worth a sacrifice of pride.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** The characters and the song are most definitely not mine. The lyics belong to The Who (who rock mightily), the characters to JKR. I'm not making any money off this, so please don't sue.

**A/N**: A big shout of thanks to amsev for her beta work and encouragement. I'm still a little shy about my writing, but what the hey, right?

**Miles and Miles**

_I know you've deceived me, now here's a surprise_

I looked at her, stiff and impotent with rage. How could she? She was the only person alive who knew how to damage me like this. I had trusted her. I had given myself over to her, and this was how she repaid me?

It served me right. I should have known better than to trust someone so young and naïve. It served me right to think that anyone could be trusted to be fair to me. I should have learned that lesson long ago, but there I was, immolated by the knowledge that I was nothing more than a weak, foolish man prone to sentimental mistakes.

_I know that you have, 'cause there's magic in my eyes_

I had seen it in the way she looked at me. The way she flushed when she thought I wasn't looking. The slight wince when I asked about her vacation. I hadn't really meant to, but when I slipped into her mind, while she looked at me, oh so innocently, I saw them.

_I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles  
Oh yeah_

I saw that boy hugging her, and twirling her around. I saw her laughing all the while. Laughing at me, probably.

"How can he think I could love him?" she would say. That's when the boy would twirl her again, and take her hand as they ran along the beach. All so idyllic, so romantic. In my imagination, the scene ended with her underneath the boy, laughing as she fucked away any shred of respect I'd had for her.

_If you think that I don't know about the little tricks you've played_

She had been so depressed since the battle. If I hadn't had reconstruction duties I would have taken her myself, but instead I sent her with Potter. The Boy-Who-Lived-to-Steal-Her-Away... How could I have been so blind?

She had come back so rosy, so cheerful. Surrounded by her bubbly enthusiam, I had actually been happy that she'd gone. "It was so good to get away from the castle. I wish you could have come. It would have improved your outlook on this whole process. I bet even you would have enjoyed wading in the midday sun with us."

_And never see you when deliberately you put things in my way_

She knew I couldn't go. She had suggested it, and been so desperate for a change, but she _knew_ I wouldn't go. There was too much work to do, and no one to do it but me. It was too much to expect Harry Bloody Potter and Company to share the responsibilities of the cleanup. They were exempt thanks to their "war time efforts."

Cast one lousy spell that topples the enemy, and suddenly you've got it made. Everything you do will be golden. People will throw roses at your feet, and insist that you take time off, to "recover."

But I wasn't exempt. I had only worked tirelessly for seven bloody years, making sure The Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Be-Denied lived. I had only played spy games for almost twice as many years even before Potter was added to my list of prats to watch over. There wasn't any effort involved in that. Especially in the battle itself. Protecting Potter's back while I concentrated on Voldemort, that was just child's play. Potter was the only one who mattered that day.

I had believed her when she'd told me that Potter needed a break. I saw the signs of distress, on both of their faces. I actually _gloated_ that The Boy-Who-Conquered was such a weakling that he needed a rest after so little exertion.

I'd sent her with him because she asked to go. She was worried about her pitiful little friend. She was worried he might do something rash. She was worried he couldn't cope with all the horrors of the war. She was worried that without any friends, Potter would crack. I thought her perceptive to see the weakness too, but now I knew the truth.

_Well, here's a poke at you  
You're gonna choke on it too  
You're gonna lose that smile  
Because all the while  
I can see for miles and miles_

She wasn't stupid, I could say that for her. She had forced me out of her mind when I had slipped in, but gently. She'd admonished me for taking what she wanted to give me freely. If I hadn't seen all the clues, I would have felt guilty, but all I could think of was the boy's hands on her, and the two of them laughing in the sun. All I could feel was the betrayal.

_You took advantage of my trust in you when I was so far away  
I saw you holding lots of other guys and now you've got the nerve to say_

At first I'd been polite about my inquiries. I asked her nicely about what she did, and where they went. At first she thought she'd gotten away with it. She talked animatedly about the restaurants and clubs they'd frequented, the sunsets they had watched. She'd even thrown in the truly brilliant touch of telling how Potter had finally broken down and cried in her arms one evening while they sat on the beach. She explained how from that moment on, Harry had started healing, and that by the end of the trip he was laughing again, just like old times.

_That you still want me  
Well, that's as may be  
But you gotta stand trial  
Because all the while_

Without the glimpse of her memory, I might have believed her. But her eyes were too bright. Her manner too light. Combined with her story, and what she'd left out, I knew she was lying, and what she was hiding.

_I can see for miles and miles  
I can see for miles and miles  
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles_

When I had accused her, she had the gall to be offended. She'd tossed aside my accusations like they were meaningless, like my suspicions were baseless. When she saw I was serious, she'd become angry. She'd yelled at me.

"How dare you accuse me of being faithless?" she'd yelled, her face flushed and contorted with rage. Her anger had just fueled mine. How could she pretend to be affronted when I knew what she hid.

_I know you've deceived me, now here's a surprise  
I know that you have 'cause there's magic in my eyes_

I had nearly hexed her during that row. Instead I told her to leave. Leave and never come back. I told her Potter deserved a tart like her, and I hoped they'd be happy in their misdeeds. When I'd said that, I saw her flinch, as if I had hexed her. All the anger drained from her face, leaving it pale and lifeless. She'd looked at me as if I had betrayed her.

_I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles  
Oh yeah_

It was then that I had my first doubt. She looked hurt beyond anything I had ever witnessed, and she had an eerie calm about her. She stood there looking at me through glassy eyes, not moving a muscle except those needed to breathe. She stood there and I watched as her illogical love for me died in front of my eyes.

_The Eiffel Tower and the Taj Mahal are mine to see on clear days  
You thought that I would need a crystal ball to see right through the haze_

As I stood there more doubts began to surface. As the scales fell away from my eyes, I reviewed the image I stole, and saw innocence, fun, friendship. I saw the sincerity in her eyes, as mine were filled with sorrow. I stood there waiting for her to move.

It seemed like eternity before she spoke.

_Well, here's a poke at you  
You're gonna choke on it too  
You're gonna lose that smile  
Because all the while_

"How could you believe that I'd hurt you like that?" was all she said, before she turned and left the room.

I_ can see for miles and miles  
I can see for miles and miles  
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles  
and miles and miles and miles and miles_

_I can see for miles and miles  
I can see for miles and miles  
I can see for miles and miles  
I can see for miles and miles_


	2. I am a Rock

Disclaimer: Not my characters, nor my song. The characters all belong to JKR, while the song belongs to S&G. If you don't know who S&G are, then I suggest you watch "The Graduate" sometime, and listen to the soundtrack. 

Chapter 2: I am a Rock

_A winter's day in a deep and dark December_

The grounds looked so empty. The lake had frozen, and snow covered everything. It was like a blank canvas from where I stood. Nothing interrupted the void. Nothing could. I stood by the window and wished for a spot of red to mar the barren whiteness, to show there was life underneath the ice.

_I am alone_

I shook myself out of my reverie, cursing my weakness. What did I care if the world was bare? It didn't affect me.

_Gazing from my window to the street below_

Walking back to my office, I caught sight of a pair of young lovers, ducking into a cozy alcove. I followed them, then stopped just out of sight, listening for the right moment to interrupt. After a few moments of the boy's nervous ramblings, I realized what I was going to overhear if I stayed. I realized I didn't want to ruin their romantic moment, and that sickened me.

_On a freshly fallen, silent shroud of snow_

Why did I care? What had she done to me? I hadn't felt the same since she deliberately walked out of my life. I wanted to revert. I wanted to die. I wanted to get her back in my life and never let her leave my side.

But that would not do, for that was not my life. I was alone, and alone I'd stay. Let her stay away; my heart was mine and mine alone and I didn't need to share.

_I am a rock, I am an island_

I didn't need to care.

_Don't talk of love_

I tried to remember all her bad habits: the way she bit her nails, the way she chewed her lip, her constant need for affirmation... but all I came up with was her strength.

_Well, I've heard the word before_

Her nails were ragged from worrying, but she could scratch through chain mail if cornered.

_It's sleeping in my memory_

Her facial expressions gave every emotion away, but she'd never reveal her sworn secrets.

_Don't disturb the slumber_

And all she had wanted was a kind word... How many had I bestowed?

_Of feelings that have died_

Even when I knew I loved her, had I told her so? Had I told her how her smile would build a fire within my heart that nothing could extinguish, save her tears? Had I told her that her conversation kept me warm through chilly night time wanderings? Had I told her that her voice could banish nightmares better than patronus could?

_If I never loved, I never would have cried_

But I had thrown all that away.

_I am a rock I am an island_

I told myself it was better this way. She was a distraction, nothing more. I hadn't been able to think around her, only feel. I was no better than a Gryffindor, wrapped up in emotions, and laid completely bare.

_I build walls_

I told myself to forget her. She was my weakness, nothing more. An obsession to conquer, and conquered her I had. There was no need to feel guilt over any hurt I might have caused. I was just defending myself...

_A fortress deep and mighty_

Defending myself from her brand of weakness. Defending myself from ruin and damnation. Defending myself from myself.

_That none may penetrate _

Once safely ensconced in my office, I tried to clear my mind once more. I wanted to exorcise her from my soul, but somehow she had etched her spot. The more I tried to scour her out, the deeper she had burned into me. There was no way to eradicate her from me without eroding myself away.

_I have no need of friendship_

_Friendship causes pain_

_It's laughter and it's loving I disdain_

I couldn't ignore her absence any longer. I needed to confront her. I didn't know how to live with the hole she left, and her parting shot.

I needed to talk to her again, if only to kill the pain. I needed my independence back again. I didn't want to care anymore, but I didn't know how to heal.

_I am a rock I am an island_

I knew she would return my owls. I knew she would not talk to me if my head appeared in her grate and she would not even deign interest in what I had to say if I forced my way in. I needed a way to talk with her, a way to lure her to me. I needed her to listen despite her rage.

_I have my books_

I looked around my office, and quickly came up with a plan. She had left me with more than pain. She had left me a piece of herself, and with it a shard of knowledge. She had told me of her dreams and of her aspirations, and she'd be more fool than I if she tossed them aside just to spite me.

_And my poetry to protect me_

I wrote my letter carefully, avoiding any words that might set her off, words that would cause her to erect walls of bleak emotion; to cause her not to hear me. Keeping it strictly professional, I laid down my quill upon the desk, rereading the request.

_I am shielded in my armor_

Stamping the Hogwarts seal upon the parchment, I felt secure in her arrival. This was an offer she would not refuse. Her inner hero would not let her.

_Hiding in my room, safe within my womb_

She would not know what would hit her when she came to see me.

_I touch no one and no one touches me_

And when she left, she would know, that I am better off alone.

_I am a rock I am an island_

I don't need to care. There's no need for me to share. I am, without her, a better man.

_And a rock feels no pain_

I really am.

_And an island never cries_

_I am a rock I am an island _

_I am a rock I am an island_


	3. I'm not in love

**Disclaimer: **The characters are Rowling's, while the song is 10cc's.

* * *

_I'm not in love_

When she walked into my office, my carefully laid plans fell to pieces. She stood there awkwardly, looking for the right foot to put forward, raising her chin to meet my eyes defiantly. She greeted me politely, then sat down at my request, waiting for me to speak. She treated me as if she had never met me.

I never thought her smile could harm.

_So don't forget it_

Her smile never faltered as I stared at her, collecting my thoughts from the floor.I had forgotten how beautiful she could be. I dug up some memories of her, and found the woman sitting before me to be the almost the same, except her eyes.

Her eyes had always sparkled with kindness, humor and power, but now I only saw the power. They were fierce eyes belonging to a warrior, not the kind eyes that had found my heart. They were fierce eyes, but they held no violence. They were just observing calmly, dispassionately. No emotion shone through, not even anger.

_It's just a silly phase I'm going through_

I thought she would have been angry, or on the offensive, but here she sat, meek, yet ready, waiting for me to make the first move. I found I didn't know what to expect, or even what she wanted. I had called her here for an interview, but I had been expecting an assault.

_And just because_ _I call you up_

_Don't get me wrong_

I took that long moment to look at her, and found I was facing a woman I didn't know. This was not the girl who had left me. This was not the girl who had plagued my thoughts and memories for the last two years. This was not the girl I had loved.

_Don't think you've got it made_

I had planned to send her from the interview with a polite rejection. I would murmur some politely worded phrases indicating that she was not yet fully qualified for such an important position, despite her name coming to my mind first. She just didn't have the experience necessary for such an important position.

However, as I questioned her, it became obvious that, although she was no longer the girl I knew, she was still the impressive witch I had once taught.

_I'm not in love_

I hired her, of course. No one in their right mind would pass up an opportunity of employing Hermione Granger, witch extraordinaire.

_No, no (it's because...)_

The first staff dinner was slightly awkward. Even though she was the newest on staff, her rank traditionally sat next to me. Ian, having heard about Hermione's appointment, had gracefully ceded the seat to her, but she objected to his displacement. When it became clear that her stubborn nature was going to make a mountain out of a molehill, I quietly intervened by pulling the chair out for her.

_I'd like to see you_

When she finally acquiesced and sat down, she cast me an odd look. I returned to my seat beside her, and covered my puzzlement with Albus' customary toast: "May all curses be lifted, and blessings be doubled. Long life and tenure for all."

I noticed her still looking at me when I sat back down, so I smirked at her. She relaxed visibly, though that odd look returned, but only for a moment. Too soon she turned her attention onto the handsome youth who had graciously given up his seat.

_But then again_

I felt something stir as she laughed at Ian's stupid jokes, and grew restless as she bantered playfully in the same manner. A quick stab of anger hit me as I realized that her humor was not lost, but it wasn't for me anymore.

_It doesn't mean you mean that much to me_

My fork hit the pie a little too forcefully, and a splash of gravy hit her hand. She looked at me quizzically, and when I apologized politely, she merely nodded giving me that look again before turning back to Ian with a smile.

_So if I call you_

When a break in their conversation presented itself I cut in, very smoothly, allowing Hermione an opportunity to relieve herself from Ian's inane banter.

_Don't make a fuss_

She furrowed her brows slightly at my interruption, replied politely, then turned back to Ian. With a _smile_.

_Don't tell your friends about the two of us_

I realized I was glowering when Ian gave me a bemused glance, then looked to Hermione curiously. I quickly smoothed my face out, though winced involuntarily when I heard her explain in a quiet voice: "I think he was happy to see the last of me at the end of the war. I imagine it galls him to have to resort to _me_ as a teacher."

I suddenly found myself without any appetite.

_I'm not in love_

_No, no_ _(it's because...)_

As soon as was acceptable I excused myself, not wanting to intrude on the young couple any longer. I decided to go for a walk around the grounds, hoping a little fresh air would calm my upset stomach.

_(Be quiet... Big boys don't cry...)_

_(Big boys don't cry...)_

Returning to my quarters that night, I found a note flying around the circular room. Grabbing the airplane from its circuit, I quickly read it before banishing it to the appropriate file. I looked around the room, and noticing the portraits staring curiously, decided to retire to my bedroom early.

_I keep your picture_

Closing the bookcase behind me, I looked around my chambers with a sinking heart. There were reminders of her everywhere that I hadn't really noticed until I saw her again. Half my books had been read by her, and most still held her bookmarks, with notes on what might be important.

_Upon the wall_

Unconsciously I walked to the wall by the window, a nightly routine I had developed after she'd left. Without thinking I picked up the album from the shelf and opened it to page in the middle, the page it always opened to.

_It hides a nasty stain that's lying there_

There she was, smiling up at me, waving an enthusiastic hand. Thinking Potter had taken the photo, that she was waving at Potter, not me, I had tried destroying it when she left, but she had charmed it to be indestructible.

I smiled at her foresight, and her knowledge of my persnickety moods. I frowned at how long it had taken me to figure out the truth.

_So don't you ask me_

_To give it back_

She had known I might get angry and try to destroy all evidence of her in my life. How she'd known, I still didn't know, but she did. She had wanted me to keep a piece of her with me, for god knows what reason. In the end, I hadn't the heart to deny her.

_I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me_

I looked at the picture once again, and tried to feel the world as it revolved around the two of us. I closed my eyes, remembering the feel of the breeze she'd create as she rushed toward me for a hug. I remembered how when she wrapped her arms around me I felt like I was the ruler of the world, and Voldemort was just a pawn.

Her kiss would remind me that ruling the world wasn't nearly as important as her.

_I'm not in love_

_No, no (It's because...)_

Before I knew it, I was down the stairs, heading for her room. I paused when I reached her corridor; two years was a very long time. She had probably moved on.

_Ooh, you'll wait a long time for me_

_Ooh, you'll wait a long time_

It was too long to have waited.

_Ooh, you'll wait a long time _

_Ooh, you'll wait a long time_

I debated with myself on how to proceed.

_I'm not in love_

Walking to her door, I tried to think of what to say to make it all right.

_So don't forget it_

I didn't need her love anymore, but I knew, without a doubt, that I needed her forgiveness. I needed to make it right.

_It's just a silly phase I'm going through_

As I raised my hand to knock, I hesitated. I refused to be seen as a lovesick fool.

_And just because I call you up_

But we really needed to clear the air.

_Don't get me wrong_

Before I could think further, my fist met wood. I had to wait now.

_Don't think you've got it made_

I could barely swallow as the door creaked open.

_I'm not in love_

And I met her eyes with mine...

_I'm not in love_

_

* * *

_

**AN:**Only one more to go.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** _The characters are Rowling's whereas the song belongs to the marvelous Peter Gabriel.

* * *

_

Chapter 4: In Your Eyes

_Accepting all I've done and said_

As I wait for her to heed my knock, I try to rationalize my presence. I could be here merely on school business as I have every right to be. But I will not fool either myself or her into believing school business is my excuse. I will not use an excuse to talk to her.

She deserves the truth that I denied her so long ago. She deserves (dare I think it?) an apology. I shake my head in disgust. It used to be that I never let myself get into any situation where I couldn't come out with my head held high, knowing there was no reason for guilt.

Guilt. What a horrible word. What a horrible feeling, to be so wrapped up in my misdeed that I can't think straight anymore, that I need to humble myself...

_I want to stand and stare again_

She opens the door with infernal slowness. I wonder if she knows who's knocking. As she reveals herself, she looks up to my face, no surprise evident in her features. I look into her eyes, hoping to catch a glint of humor, light or even anger, but all I find are eyes. Her beautiful, brown eyes.

I remember the first time I looked into those eyes after the Leaving Feast. I was looking for revulsion, for contempt, for anything to justify my own contempt of her and her friends. But when I looked I found myself mesmerized by swirls of cinnamon and highlights of honey. I looked into her eyes and found myself wanting to be more than a reviled teacher, more than the bastard they thought me to be.

I wanted beauty in my life.

_Til there's nothing left out, oh_

"Hello, Headmaster," she says, formality weighing down each word. I can feel the sneer rising on my face, but manage to turn it into what I hope is a grimace instead.

"Call me Severus."

She raises her eyebrows at me, a clear imitation of my past attitudes. I wonder for a moment whether it might not be better to live with this guilt in my heart than to face the lioness in her den. I have extensive experience living with guilt, I probably could manage another dose.

_It remains there in your eyes_

I decide coming here was a bad idea, but the moment I do, she relents, and offers me a tiny smile. The corners of her eyes crinkle as I remember them doing a hundred times before. A genuine smile.

_Whatever comes and goes  
I will hear your silent call_

I suddenly feel a surge of courage spawned by hope. Maybe all is not lost between us. Maybe I'll have another chance. She opens the door and allows me entrance to her living space.

_I will touch this tender wall_

I gratefully accept her invitation, and sit upon the frilly settee. I wonder at the style, but keep my thoughts to myself. Now is not the time to berate her for her abysmal taste.

She smiles at me again, and I manage to relax into the flowery seat. A little. She offers me a cup of tea, which I willingly accept. Anything to break the frost that has settled itself on us over the interim.

She conjures two cups, one a pink mess of flowers and faeries, the other a white cup decorated with a simple green band. After filling the cups to our identical tastes, she hands me the pink one.

I only barely manage to restrain my disgust.

_Til I know I'm home again_

I take the cup as gracefully as the situation calls for, and raise the cup to my lips. Before I can take a sip though, she starts giggling. I look up to find she is laughing at me. I must look ludicrous sitting here sipping tea from a pink cup while sitting on a rosy pile of cushions.

I realize instantly her aim was to ridicule me.

I set the tea cup down, a little harder than intended, and start to stand, but she stops me, her eyes watering with mirth.

"Severus, stay," she implores, still giggling. I hate giggles. She must see my snarl building, for she suddenly stops giggling, though the mocking smile is still there.

"I'm sorry to laugh, Severus, but the picture of you sitting there, all stark and stern against that horrid, floofy couch... I'm sorry, but even you would find the image hilarious."

"I'm glad I can provide you with a good laugh, at least," I say, not bothering to hide my fury as I stand to leave. Nothing is worth this.

Her smile is gone in an instant, but it isn't remorse that replaces it.

"For Pete's sake, Severus, sit down and take a joke like a human being. I'm not out to get you." Her tone is icy and authoritative. I'm impressed despite my anger. "Here," she says, and hands me the banded cup. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you, but I couldn't resist the temptation."

_Ooh_

My scowl deepens for a fraction of a second, then lifts as I understand what she's doing. She's teasing me, just as she used to do. I look into her eyes again and find the spark of humor is home.

I realize instantly she is my home.

_In your eyes  
In your eyes _

"So what brings you by?" she asks, breaking away from our connection too quickly.

"I came by to see how you are," I respond, hoping to get the conversation started without any overt gestures. "How you're adapting to being back again."

She frowns at her cup and bites her lip in thought. I smile reflexively at the sight, and am surprised when she looks up with hard eyes.

"Why?" she asks.

I start at her lack of tact, and she notices.

"It was obvious from the moment I set foot in your office that you wanted something from me, Severus. What is it, and why?" Her tone is edgy, as if she suspects me of something.

I realize with shame that I did more damage than I ever expected.

_Love I get so lost, sometimes_

I think for a moment, trying to decide how to approach this and hope to come out ahead. With a sigh, I realize complete honesty is the only way that won't get me thrown from her room and life. Looking down, I say, "I brought you here to show you that I was over you."

"Over me? Severus, you kicked _me_ out, and that was _two years _ago!"

I look up to meet her eyes, and find them filled with surprise mingled with pain.

"You were the one who left."

She stares at me, as if seeing me for the first time, again. The moment stretches into awkwardness as we both relive the bitter memory.

_Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart_

Finally, I break the silence. "When you left, it tore me apart. As soon as you looked at me as if I was a stranger, I knew... You were...

"Hermione, I know I was wrong to accuse you, and I wish I could take back my jealousy, but I can't." I can't go on. I feel raw beneath her gaze.

_When I want to run away  
I drive off in my car  
But whichever way I go  
I come back to the place you are_

I stand, wanting to leave, get away, but her gaze, as painful as it is, makes me stay. I pace the room instead, trying to get a hold of my emotions.

"I'm sorry you feel this way, Severus, but shouldn't we leave the past alone? We're colleagues now, and-"

"To hell with 'should,' Hermione!" I yell, turning to face her.

_And all my instincts, they return_

I let my walls fall for her to see, and approach her slowly. I stop a whisper away and look down into her beautiful face. I barely refrain from touching her; only the threat of her wince holds me back.

_And the grand facade, so soon will burn_

She looks up at me with anger mingled with fear. She's never seen me like this before. It's time to show her how I feel.

_Without a noise, without my pride_

Everything I want to say races through my mind:_ I love you so much. I know I never told you so, but you were my light and guide. You exemplify all that is good in this world, and the fact that you wanted to be with me... I couldn't understand or even believe it until I had thrown it away. It wasn't until you left that I realized how much I depend on you._

I cannot express those thoughts aloud, but she needs to hear the truth. I need to tell her. Looking into her eyes, I find the words.

_I reach out from the inside_

"I'm lost without you."

_In your eyes  
The light the heat_

For a moment I see a spark, but she turns away quickly, as if embarrassed for me.

"Severus-" she starts, but I won't let her stop me. Not now.

_In your eyes  
I am complete_

"Hermione, I'm not asking for you to return to me, although I... I know it's been a long time, and you've probably moved on. I have no expectations of your love again. But I need a chance to..."

I don't know how to say it.

"I need to make it right. Just tell me how."

_In your eyes_

She looks at me again, tears starting to gather. She looks disappointed, as if I failed her, and I realize how far I've fallen. I no longer recognize myself.

What has happened to me?

I collapse onto the settee, letting my hair hide my face from her. I would leave, but my legs have lost their strength.

"Severus," she says softly from a step away. I force myself to look up at her.

_I see the doorway to a thousand churches_

She's looking down at me with pity, goddamn her. I don't bother to restrain the scowl forming, and look back at her with all the contempt I feel for myself.

_In your eyes  
The resolution of all the fruitless searches_

"Severus," she says again, this time with a warning. I bite my tongue to hold the silence, but I want to lash out. I want her to feel all my pain, all my sorrow.

_In your eyes  
I see the light and the heat_

She holds my gaze, matching my anger with an extra dose of censure. After a few moments she steps back, never breaking eye contact as she sits down in her wingback.

_In your eyes  
Oh, I want to be that complete_

We sit staring at each other for many long minutes. As we stare I remember other arguments that ended up like this. She'd try to stare me down - get me to bend a little - but she always was the first to break. She was always the one to compromise.

She had always been the sensible one.

_I want to touch the light  
The heat I see in your eyes  
In your eyes  
In your eyes_

"Hermione," I say, trying not to plead. I will not debase myself any further for her, but maybe it is my turn to bend. Her eyes flash victory, but it's short lived, fading back to pain.

_Love, I don't like to see so much pain_

"I want to heal this rift," I state coolly, trying to rein my feelings in.

_So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away_

I hate seeing her look at me like this.

I hate seeing her wounded.

I hate knowing I am the cause.

_I get so tired of working so hard for our survival_

"How do you propose doing that?" she responds, her tone matching mine for warmth.

I let my shoulders drop a notch in a reverse shrug. She's sitting there like a queen, knowing she holds all the power, and not bothering to bestow her mercy. Yet.

I have to believe that she still wields mercy like she used to. I have to believe she still holds the compassion to heal. I have to believe in her, but the way she's looking at me makes it difficult not to doubt.

"I will beg for forgiveness if that's what it takes," I say, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice. The doubt is seeping into my veins, and I wonder, once more, whether she is worth this humiliation. Her cool demeanor does nothing to hamper the misgivings.

She continues to watch me, examine me, and I feel as though I am being searched. Her eyes rake over me, digging out weakness after weakness. She always had been able to see through me, but now she was using it as a weapon against me.

_I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive_

"Enough!" I yell, not willing to take any more. I stand up again, thankful my legs support my weight. Squaring my shoulders, I look down on her and exert my own authority.

"I will not play any more games, Hermione. Either forgive me or not, but I will not sit here like a fool any longer. You now know how I feel, so I'll bid you adieu."

I stalk over to the door, but before I touch the handle, her voice reaches out to me, soothing my fragmented nerves,

"Severus."

I stop, but I don't turn around. Whatever she has to say can be said to my back, but so far she's only been capable of saying my name, nothing more.

"Severus... Don't you realize how long it's been? I've had enough time to move on and become engaged," my heart drops and my lungs stop, "or even married." I breathe again.

"But have you?" I say to her door.

There's a pause, and when she speaks again it's from further away. "I have moved on. I wouldn't have accepted the job if I hadn't. It would have been too painful."

She pauses again, and I try to digest what she's just said. She's moved on. She's over me. There's no hope.

Her voice has a quiet, pleading note when she says, "Severus, look at me. Please."

_And all my instincts, they return_

I reluctantly turn to face her, battening down all hatches to prepare for the storm ahead. She's standing by the fireplace, and the light from the fire is bouncing off her robes like spirits playing hide and seek. I pull my eyes away from the shadows to look upon her face again.

_And the grand facade, so soon will burn_

"Why did you offer me the job if you still feel this way for me?"

"I had no intention of giving it to you."

She looks confused and hurt. Once again, I've managed to hurt her.

"I called you for the interview with every intention of turning you down, but as always, you exceeded my expectations." I admit bitterly. I don't care how she takes that, not anymore.

_Without a noise, without my pride_

She closes her eyes, and I know it's to block me out.

I've had enough. I cannot take any more of this farce. Quietly, I turn again, opening the door. I spare a moment for a backward glance, and the sight stops me cold. She's still standing there, by the fireplace, but her back is turned to me. Her head is bowed and from her posture I wonder if she's crying.

Why?

What have I done this time?

_I reach out from the inside_

"Hermione," I say, but stop before my voice cracks.I watch her helplessly, knowing that she would refuse any attempts at comfort. She stiffens imperceptibly, then raises her head and turns around.

_In your eyes  
The light the heat_

"I'll have my resignation on your desk by the end of tomorrow. I hope that you'll have enough time to find a replacement before term starts."

I stare at her at a complete loss for words. I don't know what to do. I want to scream at her, I want to embrace her. But I have no idea what _she_ wants.

_In your eyes  
I am complete_

"Hermione," I start again, but she doesn't let me finish.

"I can't be around you, knowing how you feel, Severus. It would be cruel to us both. Losing you... It took a long time to recover, Severus. I can't go through that again."

I stare at her as a light dawns in my mind. She misses me as much as I miss her. It suddenly becomes imperative that she stay.

"Hermione, I won't accept your resignation. You are the most qualified teacher for Charms, and I know you have the empathy and strength needed to be Head of Gryffindor. You cannot let the children down by resigning over something as trivial as our defunct relationship."

_In your eyes  
I see the doorway to a thousand churches_

I know I hit the mark when her eyes flare in anger. She steps forward, seething, before her mind catches up with her. The anger in her face grows tenfold.

"You dare try to manipulate me?" she says in a tone I don't recognize coming from her. Maybe I misjudged how far to go.

"It worked getting you here," I respond, making sure a cocky smirk is evident.

She balls her hands and glares at me. I'm grateful, at this point, that she hasn't learned wandless magic yet. She looks for all the world like an avenging angel bent on destroying the demon before her. She is barely controlling herself, so I remain alert.

My smirk slips into a smile as I watch her.

_In your eyes  
The resolution of all the fruitless searches_

She's magnificent.

_In your eyes  
I see the light and the heat_

I feel her energy gathering for a storm and realize that I might not weather this one if I let her continue. Switching into headmaster mode, I summon all my strength of will.

"Miss Granger, stop!" I command, and strangely enough, she obeys. For a moment.

"Hermione, please stop," I continue with slightly less force when I feel her power gathering again. She pauses, so I press the point. "We've both fought enough battles, don't you think?

_In your eyes  
Oh, I want to be that complete_

She looks at me with those big, beautiful eyes of hers wide with past memories. Suddenly she turns away and sinks down into the settee with a shriek of frustration. Carefully, not sure how controlled she is yet, I approach and sit down beside her.

"You are the most frustrating man on the face of the planet, I'll have you know."

"I take pride in it, too."

She laughs weakly, then buries her face in her hands. For a moment I'm not sure what I should do, but I quickly decide to listen to the part of me telling me to touch her, embrace her - love her.

_I want to touch the light  
The heat I see in your eyes_

"I'll always enrage you, and often provoke you," I murmur into her hair, "but I promise I will never lose faith in you again." I can hear her sniffling, but she has yet to uncover her face. I pull her into my chest, so I can soothe her frazzled nerves and emotions.

I hold her close, rubbing her head gently, as I remember her liking. Her crying is subsiding, but she's still tense, as if waiting for something.

_In your eyes_

I close my eyes as I realize what she wants. What she needs.

_In your eyes_

"I will always love you, Hermione Granger. Always."

_In your eyes _

She stills for a moment, then raises her head, her nose inches from mine.

_Accepting all I've done and said_

I hold my breath as she searches my face for fallacy. For deception, for manipulation, for any cause to run away.

_I want to stand and stare again  
Til there's nothing left out, oh_

I shouldn't be nervous. I've never been more sincere in my life. I've never been so honest with anyone, not even myself.

_It remains there in your eyes  
Whatever comes and goes_

She smiles gently before closing her eyes and drops her head onto my chest.

_Oh, it's in your eyes_

Relief rains down on me, and I find my cheeks are getting wet.

_In your eyes  
In your eyes  
In your eyes_

_In your eyes  
I want to stand and stare again_

_Oh, it's in your eyes._

_The End_

_

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**AN:**_ I hope I didn't take Snape too far out of character, but it's incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to put him in a romantic situation without giving him an attitude adjustment of some small means. _

_ Anyway, that's the end. Hope you liked it. Thanks to all who took the time to read this story, and even more to those who reviewed.  
_


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